The ambitious and purposeful parent is intentional in how and why they do EVERYTHING! The older I get, the less time and energy I give to circumstances and situations that will not move my family's Vision forward. I specifically direct every thought, every move, and every dollar to those things that are going to be for me and my children's highest good.
I have 6 guiding principles I parent by. I want to share them with you as a means of assisting you with moving your family's vision forward. For a downloadable infographic on the first 4 of these principles, visit our "Homeschool Resources" page. My 6 Laws of Purposeful Parenting are:
1. Purposeful Parents have a Clear Vision.
A Vision anchors your family for the life you want. A clear Vision allows for you as a parent to direct your family's finances and other life areas and activities in a way that consistently. A Vision is not so much a destination as it is an "Ideal place" that you always find your family.
2. Purposeful Parents have a Plan.
Let's be clear- having a plan for your family does not mean having ALL the steps laid out before you even start. If it were that easy, everything would be super easy. Having a plan means that you strategize and put action steps in place that will get you started. My experience has been that every step along the way leads me to another step, and this pattern repeats itself. Sometimes, all you have is 1 step. Because I have trusted friends and family as part of my support system, I lean on them to bounce ideas off of to ensure I'm strategizing in a way that's for the best outcome for my family.
3. Purposeful Parents put their energy in the right places.
Your energy is your T.E.A.M. (Time, Effort, Attention & Money). Put your focus on the T.E.A.M. You will save a lot of time when you direct your energy into areas/situations/opportunities that ensure your family is in the Vision. Before I say yes to any opportunity or request, I ask myself "Does this serve the family for our Highest Good?" If yes and it can be fit into our family's schedule and aligns with our core beliefs and values, I make room. If not, I simply say "No, not at this time." When you get into a flow of opportunities that are in the Highest Good for your family, you may have to begin to prioritize opportunities. There may be times where you have to turn things down because they don't fit into your family's "short-term goals". As you get better at directing your energy, you'll also get better with knowing what to say yes and no to as well.
4. Purposeful Parents create a support system for the Vision.
I could not do all that I do without support- spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Due to my work schedule (I work outside the home) and sometimes conflicting schedules with the children's individual schedules, I need assistance throughout the week to make things work. I want to be clear that support systems may vary according to the person/family. My mother does not live in my state and she's almost 6 hours away but she is a part of my spiritual and mental support system. I can count on her to lend an ear when I'm frustrated or confused. I can certainly count on her for a mother's prayer.
I have a therapist with whom I meet every 2 weeks. Yes, I work on some of my own personal goals with my therapist- she keeps me accountable and helps me talk through my issues. My children's father, like myself, shuffles children to and from practices Monday-Friday. The godmother is always open to pay for a Taekwondo testing, a hotel room for an overnight stay during competition season or bring by a meal for the family when I'm just too tired to cook or I'm ill. My supervisor at work allows me to adjust my schedule when I have appointments for the children or may need to change my work location so that I can still manage my family schedule.
5. Purposeful Parents delegate part of their action plan.
This law goes hand-in-hand with the last one. I certainly delegate things to my support group. Delegate does not mean you tell everyone what to do. No (lol!). Delegation for me means that I understand that it will take an interdependent team for me to ensure my family's Vision is upheld. I can not do everything myself. I would experience (and have at least once) total burnout if I tried to assume all roles. So, I delegate 2 of my children's primary education to Whole Living Academy (WLA) at this time. They offer an Afrikan-centered virtual homeschool during the weekday. Working with WLA has allowed me to ensure (1) my youngest son advanced 2 levels with reading and writing (which increased his personal confidence level) within 4 months during the pandemic, (2) PaHeru receives health and wellness education classes as "electives" and (3) Khalid gets to build science projects, write out creative presentations and take entrepreneurship classes thus helping to expand his own small business and fulfill his goals.
I have delegated STEM classes to a certified STEM coach and Master Mathematics Teacher who helped Khalid gain his first certificate in Remote Drone Piloting, helped Khalid build his first electronic remote, 3D print and so many other projects. The local regional theatre has children theatre/performance education classes that has allowed my children to explore creative expression and public speaking. They have had the opportunity to be a part of several local theatre productions. And of course, athletics has been delegated to professional gymnastics and boxing coaches within our local area.
On another note, as I have just tried my hardest but still fall a little short, I've delegated the assistance of a math tutor. PaHeru will be in Engageable Designs' PreAlgebra Saturdays which runs a full academic year. Khalid will receive math tutoring through WLA twice a week. And there is the money trail people (LOL!).
6. Purposeful Parents are Persistent & Consistent.
Persistence and staying consistent are the key ingredients in any Vision being realized or any goal being achieved. Many people stop short of achieving goals or realizing their Vision because they give up or lose hope when the breakthrough is around the next corner. I promise you, many of the goals our family has reached has been due to persistence. I will be the person is consistently follows back up until I get a "Yes" or until people are available. For instance, I really knew that public speaking training was important and necessary for PaHeru and Khalid. I promise you, I sent a very nice text message every 2 weeks to the brother (who has an extremely busy and full schedule) until, months later, he was finally able to fit the boys in- at no cost! What?! Listen, persistence and consistency are key ingredients.
The purpose of our homeschool, the Djehuti Institute for Universoul Knowledge, is to create master family builders. With that, my first and foremost goal is to help each of my children find, cultivate and master their passion. It is through their Passion that they will serve their Purpose- assisting greater humanity.
Each of my children seem to have their own unique passion. For Khalid, his is creating and inspiring others to find their inner creator as well. At age 3, I purchased Khalid's first Lego build from Wal-Mart. It was a colorful train set. I had emptied out the box and set out the easy to follow instructions. I left Khalid by the pieces and went to use the bathroom. In my mind, he would certainly need help at 3 years old so he would be anxiously waiting for my return. To my amazement, when I returned from my bathroom break, Khalid was already putting the train set together. I asked him how he did it and he responded by explaining to me that he looked at the pictures on the instructions and just did what it showed. Talk about taking initiative! LOL! This child had curiosity, determinate, initiative and drive- at 3 years old!
From that time on, I continued to purchase Lego sets for him to build. As he continued to build with little assistance from me, I would choose Lego builds that had more pieces and a higher level of difficulty. He was up for the challenge! As you can imagine, purchasing Lego sets can become expensive. So, I introduced a mix of creative activities to include drawing and sketching, watercolor, mixed media and woodwork. He had so much creative energy and his inquisitiveness was never-ending so as a parent, keeping him engaged kept me on my toes- a lot! As time went on and he progressed with his Lego builds and art, I searched for a more experienced instructor for him. That search led me to Mrs. Sharon, our local Bricks 4 Kidz owner. Khalid worked with Mrs. Sharon all the way through Lego Robotics from 4 years old to almost 8 years old. I am so grateful for our local Bricks 4 Kidz and the education and positive, creative environment it provided for Khalid.
One day Khalid came to me and said that he was getting too big for Bricks for Kidz. I was like, "What do you mean?! You love Legos!" He was like, "I do love Legos. I've learned all I can from Mrs. Sharon. I want to learn how to build electrical things with my hands. I want to know how to build a robot and program it to do what I want it to do." Of course, my first attempt was going to YouTube and attempting to find out how I can help my son myself from home. Of course, I found a great beginner's video. So, we went to the hobby store to my small electric motors and battery packs. Then, I didn't really have the success we were looking for. And...as always, God helps those in the process of helping themselves. We went to a free STEM & Robotics workshop provided by one of our local library branches. It was there that I met Mr. Jeffries Epps, owner of STEMERALD CITY and retired network engineer. Long story, short- I ran to Mr. Epps for help about a year later- after I had secured part-time work.
Because working with Mr. Epps would come at a significant cost to our family and would take a big time commitment from Khalid, to test his seriousness and willingness to commit, I charged Khalid with writing out exactly what his goals were for working with Mr. Epps at STEMERALD CITY. He was 7- see what he wrote below.
Khalid began working with Mr. Epps as his STEM coach in the spring of 2019. Since that time, I've seen Khalid's creativity and commitment to building and making things soar to new heights. Not only has he achieved all the goals on the list, he continues to work with Mr. Epps every other week and has plans to submit his professional resume for consideration to be Mr. Epps' apprentice- all his idea. He just turned 9 years old.
While I am very proud of all that Khalid has accomplished at such a young age, I'm most proud of him continuing the legacy of his grandfather who was a master mason who was an architect by trade, carpenter, mechanic and mathematician. As I always say, my role as guide and resource liaison for my children gives me even more fire and passion to continue to serve my family.
Watch a brief video overview of Khalid's Passion Journey from our Homeschooling While Black YouTube channel below.
I hope this encourages every parent reading to keep putting in the effort with your young ones while inspiring/motivating others to start their journey.
Peace & Prosperity.
In this never-ending role and gift of homeschooling and parenting, change/growth and evolution is necessary. As you develop as a whole, healthy parent and perfect your unschooling and/or homeschooling methods/models/etc.- these things will challenge your comfort zones and your hard-wired tendencies and proclivities.
Change requires growth.
Expansion requires stability.
Release the need for things to be perfect before you begin to make moves toward something better and greater. (I started out homeschooling with the goal for my youngest to read 4 to 5 word sentences (Stage Preschool to 1 books) and write 4 to 5 word sentences. He ended the year reading at a "2nd grade level" according to a formal test.)
We literally have to continue to grow into our best selves (continuous rebirth- come through Kemetic Ancestors!) as we shape and cultivate the minds and talents of our children.
I've learned so many skills sets and gained so much new knowledge/information all due to my commitment to providing needed opportunities to exposure and training for myself, my children and my community. I am an introvert by nature and I have a diagnosed mental health disorder which causes most people with this label to sporadically work and have to live on disability. I understand that some of my children's goals require monetary contributions that exceeded my husband's ability to pay. I stepped out of my comfort zone, started contacting old employers and now work part-time outside of my home in order to provide Taekwondo and STEM trainings (about $400/month). I had to give up the idea that "I'll never be able to work a regular job again." Yes, I might not be able to do this for years but I can do it for some months if I need to do so.
My immediate goal right now is to create a stable home and community environment for my family. I can not expect expansion, without creating a firm foundation (stability) ushered in by growth in my ideologies and daily habits.
What old ideologies, thoughts, or habits are you willing to lay down in order to create space for change/growth/evolution, stability and expansion?
I am married. My husband exists. But I am the primary educator and nurturer for our children. Let me explain...
In the last 2 1/2 years of this homeschooling journey, he's been rarely seen by most people. Until 2 weeks ago, he was an over-the-road driver which basically means he was a truck driver who travels long distances and has a work base away from their home. He was on the road for 26-27 days per month and home only 4 days per month. The children and I both got used to him not being physically available to and for us. It sucked at first but we managed.
Now that he's home, it still doesn't feel like the situation has shifted much. He works 10-14 hour days driving locally, is only off 2 days per week and he still isn't much available when he is home (he's usually sleeping or spending time with his son and daughter from a previous marriage). Now, I work part-time in order to earn extra income for our children to participate in extracurricular activities as well as some other important ventures. So, I come home from work Monday-Thursday from 8 am to 1 p.m. (I'm off on Fridays). I leave independent work assignments for the kids to complete while I'm at work once they wake up in the morning. I immediately come home and let them give me oral reports on their work and I check over it for accuracy, etc. I then go into the day's lessons. We head out to practices- Taekwondo, Track, Swimming, or Gymnastics. We also have days where we might have a library program. We come home, we eat, bathe, read bedtime stories, say our creed, and it's off to bed for the young ones. As for me- I try to give myself a few minutes of "no-thinking time" which loosely translates into me watching an episode of "30 Rock", "Great News", or "The Boondocks"- shows that make me laugh and don't require a lot of thinking and isn't action-packed. I then pray and fall asleep. My husband gets home around 2 a.m. AND REPEAT...
I say all this to say, I know that I am not the only parent who has "the Mother Load" of homeschooling and nurturing their children while their spouse/partner works outside of the house for the family. It's tough for me and there are days where I am just dog tired and frustrated with the present situation. I do understand that it might not always be this way- especially if we make plans for things to be different. This doesn't take away from the difficulty of the situation. It's emotionally and physically draining at times to handle an entire household of energy and young ones with differing personalities all by yourself most times. I'm thankful for coaches and instructors who work with me to help keep my children balanced and focused on their individual goals. I'm grateful for community library programs that allows us to spend time as a family having fun and learning together. I'm grateful for my eldest son's father who steps in and does the Baba role when my husband is working and ensuring that we can live comfortably.
I started this journey out determined (and I'm still determined) to be the foremost educator of my children. I am committed to ensuring that they are nurtured and given proper exposure to opportunities and challenges that will elevate them spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. IT IS A LOT TO DO FOR 1 PERSON but I'm staying the course. I have no prescription for anyone else's personal situation. I only share so that so many others understand that this homeschooling is a family-determined, culture-driven "process". It is ever-changing therefore new opportunities for what better serves your family is always possible if you set clear goals and work
I send encouragement out to fellow mamas and babas in this "single homeschooling while married" dilemma.
Peace & Prosperity
The Afrikan community in the United States of America and other worldwide suffered a tremendous lost in the recent slaying of community activist and entrepreneur Ermias Asghedom also known as Nipsey Hussle. After days of honoring his life and ushering his transition to the spirit world, I could think of no better way to continue his legacy of educating our community than to create a small educational project that I could share with my Homeschooling While Black family.
I offer you this Unit Study on our ancestor, Ermias "Nipsey Hussle" Asghedom.
Peace and Ase'
Like many parents, when I first started out on our family's homeschool journey, I read article after article on how others were homeschooling. I wanted to see what methods- from the old to the new- that people were using to provide a home-based education for their children. I looked through a plethora of resources businesses had to offer that could assist with teaching language arts, mathematics, sciences, the whole nine. Along this journey I also saw many "testing" assessments for children's learning as well. There were multiple choice tests, fill-in-the-blank tests, and open-ended assessments. In a nutshell, it all looked like what I was trying to get away from (traditional schooling).
Though I believe these kinds of "tests" may have their place in assessing where a child may be, it doesn't truly capture if a child has mastered or fully understands the concepts we deliver to them on a regular basis. For example, you teach your child addition, 3 + 3 = 6. Pretty simple. She may be able to add these 2 numbers up by drawing lines on a paper, counting on her fingers, or even using mental math.
Now, let's take this lesson to the grocery store. You put 3 apples in the cart. Then you ask, "How many more apples do we need to get 6 apples?" Some children may be able to figure this out. Others may be stumped. In my mind, this is an example of a child who can perform math computation on a worksheet or sheet of paper, but does not actually know "how to apply" the concept of the mathematics she's been learning. This is an example of testing versus application. After all, what's the use of knowledge that you can't in real life situations.
In our homeschool, we educate the children on entrepreneurship and business ownership. As an Afrikan-centered family with a mission of ensuring our children become influencers and sellers within the world community. We have Entrepreneurship Day every Friday where we discuss the basics of entrepreneurship such as how to start a business, overhead, profit, loss, etc. I have not bothered to give my children a paper test to assess whether or not they are obtaining the information. That's simple regurgitation.
Instead, two years ago when we first started homeschooling, we asked the boys what kind of business would they like to start up. They chose a lemonade stand. We worked with them on writing out a small business plan, creating flyers, marketing, branding, and customer service. To truly put them to the test, we hosted a "Grand Opening"at the garage of our home.
They sold $.50 cups of lemonade along with homemade cookies and lollipops for $.25 each. When neighborhood children or adults would walk up to the stand, our husband and I stood back to observe them. They were a little nervous at first but still excited! They gave their "assuming the sale" pitch ("Good afternoon. Which item would you like to try today?"), sold their products, counted the money (assessing their money counting knowledge, addition, and subtraction), and delivered their "ending pitch" ("We look forward to seeing you back next weekend!). After the day was done, we helped them count their revenue and calculate their profit. We then asked them what they liked most out of the experience and what they believe they could improve upon next lemonade day. These experiences have helped them to improve upon their marketing as well as expand their product line. They have even expanded their target audience by moving their lemonade stand to 2 local farmer's markets on some Saturdays and Wednesdays during Summer and Fall season.
Because we had made the decision early on to ensure our homeschooling was allowing our children to master concepts they could use in real life, any assessments that do not include placing our children in real life situations just would not suffice. Applied knowledge is true power. I encourage you as a homeschooling parent to incorporate real life application of concepts for your young and mature learners. Experience breeds competence and confidence. Let's ensure our Black children are going out into the world with great competence and confidence!
I know there is a special demographic among homeschoolers that include special needs children. As a parent of a special needs child, I know how important it is to access resources for a child who might need far more support than their typically developing peers. But what if you are a parent with special needs? Do you still have the ability to homeschool your children? Should you even try?
In 2016, I was formally diagnosed with "Bipolar Disorder" by my Western medicine healthcare provider. Because mental health is so stigmatized these days and people throw around words so loosely, I will explain what bipolar disorder is for those who wish to be more informed. The National Institute of Mental Health's website (www.nimh.nih.gov) describes bipolar disorder as "a brain disorder that causes shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks". With me, although I work extremely hard to stay "in the middle" (an informal way of saying "stable" with my moods), I do experience manic episodes where I can stay up for 48-72 hours at a time, creating curriculum, books, cleaning, and organizing; I can also have depressive days where I go without showering, getting out of the bed, and absolutely no cleaning or cooking (for myself or the children).
Any parent who has children under the age of 7 knows how much energy and focus it takes just to keep up with 1 child. So, for me, keeping up with 4 children that are ages 7 and under is PURE MANIA! Regardless of my diagnosis, I was determined in my decision to homeschool my children. Even so, I know that this will be a continuous journey of constant evaluation of my symptoms and how they affect my children.
How do I manage my disorder & homeschool my children?
When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I immediately took the prescription drugs given to me by my psychiatrist. My moods had such a negative impact on my family & friends that I had to do something quick before I caused any more damage than I already had. With our family's homeschooling, I take on many roles currently- primary educator, healer/nurse, chef, maid, janitor, chauffeur, sports manager, etc. For those with bipolar disorder, we tend to get overwhelmed quite easy. These moments of being overwhelmed can lead to lashing out or complete shut down- neither of which is healthy for raising children, nurturing their brilliance, or providing the loving discipline necessary to bring up a well-rounded human being. So, sometimes, we have to just take our "pill" and swallow it for the benefit of those around us.
I went through 3 medication changes before I ultimately decided to trust in more Eastern and natural ways to heal myself and control my moods. Below is my regimen for managing my bipolar disorder while successfully homeschooling my crew:
I. Emotional & Physical Support
I have a wonderful support system! This immediately helps in reducing the feeling of being overwhelmed by the demands of homeschooling. My husband, although he travels frequently, is always available at the drop of a dime to talk to me when I need to hear an encouraging word. He listens to me when I state what I need and even times when I'm not sure what I need, he's attentive enough to do the things he knows will help my current mood or situation. My mother is retired and has come to stay with our family for lengths of time when I need help with demands of keeping up a home. She has come for 1 month before and did all of the cleaning, washing, and cooking- which left time for me to simply focus on the academic/scholastic side of our homeschool days.
I also have great friends who (1) purchase education supplies for our children, (2) assist with meal preparation to give me a break, and (3) pick up/drop off my children to their various activities to lighten my load.
My husband is my greatest supporter. He's an over-the-road truck driver and he's gone 11 days and home for 3 days. He checks on me daily. We do video chat on a regular basis and it helps me just knowing he's thinking of us. If he senses signs of me becoming overwhelmed he orders food to be delivered to the house through Uber Eats or Speedwaiter. Every time he comes home, we have date night! He hires a sitter and we stay out all night...giving me that one on one time to vent, talk, relax, laugh out loud, feel loved and have his undivided attention. A lot of LOVE goes a LONG WAY!
2. Community Support
Some people have the idea that unschooling or homeschooling only takes place within the bubble of the 4 walls inside your home. FALSE! I utilize the resources within my community to assist in our journey because let's face it- HELP IS GOOD & we can't do it all by ourselves. Any free workshops or activities that the children are interested in, might give them exposure to opportunities, or coincides with our homeschool agenda- I schedule it! When I need assistance with math instruction, I hire a trusted tutor who comes in 2 hours per week for only $80/month. I also place the children in teams and learning centers that are STEM-centered to keep them on point and which I just don't have the interest or time to put into learning and then teaching myself.
3. Demonstrate Patience for Myself & My Children
Learning is a life-long journey. I am only giving my children a foundation for character building, self mastery, and education that will be a life-long endeavor and make living a life of purpose, on purpose more manageable and successful. I give myself a break. I give my children a break and realize that Afrika wasn't built in a day. Things take time. They will grasp concepts in time. I will become a more skilled and effective educator in time. That's a learning journey all in itself.
4. DO YOUR OWN WORK!
I am accountable for how I respond to events and circumstances in my life. So, although I do acknowledge having a chemical imbalance in my brain, I still am responsible and accountable for my actions (outbursts and mania- ALL OF IT). My current routine I'm working: